In the NOW...

For years I have been on antidepressants...ups and downs seemed to have been a constant in my life. I have finally gotten off of them...learning how to cope with my thoughts and my wounds that are now turning to scars instead of being totally open.

Suddenly I am finding more of the riches that are in my life and I recognize the growth from the challenges of adoption and loss. Writing has helped and letting go of old baggage has allowed me to honor myself. I have come a long way...and my spirit is feeling whole.

When I first met my son after 43 years I thought that was my full circle. I felt that I would be healed because I finally had him in my life...but I was wrong...after being told that "the relationship had come to an end" was when I realized that the circle was still not full...and that only by forgiveness of myself...forgiveness of others...would life change for me.

I am stronger now than I have ever been...I feel more empowered to face obstacles...I can feel the joy in my life...and I hold the memories of him and my gratitude of meeting him close to my heart.

I am learning how to release the struggles that surrounded adoption and reuniting...and now separation. I still hold on to hope that the separation will one day be healed, but instead of looking at the loss...I am looking on the positive side of knowing him and his family.

I have always been one who looked at experiences as "good" or "bad"...a learned habit I suppose from childhood...but I now see the potential of those experiences to teach me...to help me heal. This has been a painful and challenging time but I am becoming stronger each day and enjoy the moments of now more...rather than projecting myself into the future or dwelling on the past...

Life is full of joy each and every moment of the day...

all I have to do is be aware and SMILE!