I have come to a great many realizations about my life and my relationships this past year. How I have formed some because of my relationship with myself. And what patterns I brought along with me since placing my son for adoption almost 47 years ago.
47 years is a long time to carry around such heavy baggage. At 65 I am now ready and able to put this baggage down. Knowing it is a natural and necessary part of my life in order to move completely forward. I know that meeting my son is allowing me to this. And although the relationship with him no longer exists I am feeling at peace. I am shifting...realizing that there have been many other times in my life that I have also shifted and that it is a natural and necessary part of growth.
So I am saying "good-bye" to that old part of myself... that pattern which was formed in order to deal with my grief and guilt about placing my son for adoption. And it no longer matters that anyone feels that I should of "gotten over this" long before now. My son is part of my heart...he always has been and he always will be. Meeting him has made that all the more real and even though he is not physically in my life I can be at peace with his forgiveness.
The protective shell I built around myself in order to heal is making me feel confined...it no longer feels safe there...and I can no longer survive there. I need to move outside this shell that I felt I needed for so long to protect myself.
I am shedding that shell...and I am making room for my new self to emerge...I am surrendering to this newness that I feel...this rebirth...
I welcome the next phase of my life with an open heart.
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