They were a part of her now...
A missing piece finally found...
And regardless of time or space...
She would continue to offer love for the rest of her days...
hoping that one day it would be once again accepted.
Today at 1:00 I am marking the 4 years that I have known who my son is...They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I look at a picture of that reunion day and say that there are not enough words in the English language to describe the feelings for me here. It is a picture of my son and me when we met after 42 years of separation. It is a picture of love that is so pure that it makes my heart soar.
I am a birth mother, who placed her son up for adoption in 1969.
My heart placed him in a very safe placed where he has lived with me for 42 years. There were times when I feared for him, there were times when I ached for him, and there were times when I felt he was right beside me. He has always been a part of my make-up. He helped to make me a better mother to my two other children, and a better and more compassionate person. He often held my hand during difficult times and allowed me to love in a better way. He gave me strength some days, and tears on others as the years passed. Although I wished to know him, I did not have a desire to disrupt the life that he and his parents had formed. I wished only the highest and best for them as a family
And then a miracle occurred.
Mother’s Day weekend (2012) I connected with my son, when my heart opened and poured out buried information. He was there on an adoption registry site waiting for me. He had started a blog looking for me 11 years earlier. With a phone call I would be talking with him. If I say I was without fear that would not be true. We talked for hours that first night, we exchanged e-mails and phone calls for weeks till we finally met for the second time in 42 years. We embraced, we cried, we sighed and we connected out hearts once again. Mother and son reunited to explore a relationship with each other, to express the unspoken love that has always been there. To share who we are with each other and our extended families. I am was not only a mother, but the proud grandmother of 3 precious children, and a mother-in-law to a new daughter, all who have always known about me. I feel complete, I felt as if I was healing, and I had the feeling of coming full circle that felt ever present as our bond grew with each passing day.
But it is different today...today I celebrate this day alone once again without him. But I am a better person today because of meeting him and his family. I am truly healing...and I am happy because I know he is out there...and I know his name...and I know more about him than I ever did before. I have pictures of him...and things he made me...I have letters...but most of all I have a love for him that goes far beyond separation and I will continue to offer that love to him and his family forever.
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