Freedom
She would no longer
stand in the darkness...
The sun and the wind
would now carry her...
carry her to her dreams...
carry her to her feminine...
carry her to her love...
carry her to her heart...
carry her to her freedom.
Freedom...
Freedom
She would no longer
stand in the darkness...
The sun and the wind
would now carry her...
carry her to her dreams...
carry her to her feminine...
carry her to her love...
carry her to her heart...
carry her to her freedom.
Transformed...
Transformed
She started out
soft and light
gentle strokes
moving across
the paper.
and when she appeared
she transformed.
changing herself
to bold...beautiful
and strong.
she felt the vibration
of creativity all around her
let go and be wild
she whispered
feel the wings on your shoulders
there is nothing to fear.
Releasing...
I am releasing...releasing my inner conflicts to the universe...rising above...I am learning that I have often tried to control myself ...my emotions...my reactions and really what I am finding is that I can only control my attitude and my behavior ...So I am releasing the negative feelings ...
I remember when my good husband passed...all I wanted to do was be surrounded by his things...I would wear one of his t-shirts to bed at night...sleep on his side of the bed...breathe in the smell of his clothing...hold his picture close to my heart...
Today...after over 5 years since my husband passed I no longer do those things...for I feel him with me almost every day. I see his smile in the smallest of things and know his love...
I remember when I was told that my relationship with my son and his family had come to an end...I took all the things that they had given me and packed them away...I took pictures and placed them in boxes along with letters and cards...
Today...was the first day in almost a year and a half that I let myself open that box...today I revisited the moments of memories...and I placed a picture of my son and me back on my desk and I look up at it now and smile...
I am releasing...I am healing...
I love and I believe I am loved...
ART Heals...
For the gentle little soul
who loved to color...
ART HEALS.
For the heart that needs
to mend...
ART HEALS.
When you question
your ability...
ART HEALS.
When you let your
inside out...
ART HEALS.
Be the woman your
gentle little soul always
knew you were
born to be...
ART HEALS.
ART Heals...
Where am I?
I am in the garden
of my life
I am dreaming
big dreams
I am growing
from the inside out
I am believing
in myself
I am trusting
the process
I am loved
by myself and many
I am content
and happy
I am feeling
whole.
Listening to my heart...
Listening to my heart is sometimes a difficult thing...my mind chatters wildly with the negative.
And yet this year I have been listening and healing...
We all experience some kind of heartbreak...ranging from the smallest of things like losing something precious (like an earring) to the most difficult (loss of a love one). It is then that our bodies become filled with grief. It is a physical emptiness that often cannot be put into words. And we wonder if we will ever be able to mend.
Heartbreak can leave wounds so deep that it leaves scars...but I do believe that healing can happen...that raw emotion hurts...and yet we all know that hurting can lead to healing. The pain allows us to realize that we need to pay attention to our self. That we need to acknowledge the hurt before we can begin to heal.
They say that time heals all pain...but is it time that heals it or truly feeling it instead of burying it that leads us on the path of healing?
As I deal with the heartache of adoption/reunion and now loss I feel I am repairing my heart.
I am being gentle with myself and looking for all the positive things that have happened. I am opening myself up to loving...trusting...and believing once more.
Life continues on even amongst heartbreak...and I am emerging on the other side of mending...I am feeling stronger each and every day for all the experiences that being reunited has offered me...and I look to the positive more so now than ever.
And yet this year I have been listening and healing...
We all experience some kind of heartbreak...ranging from the smallest of things like losing something precious (like an earring) to the most difficult (loss of a love one). It is then that our bodies become filled with grief. It is a physical emptiness that often cannot be put into words. And we wonder if we will ever be able to mend.
Heartbreak can leave wounds so deep that it leaves scars...but I do believe that healing can happen...that raw emotion hurts...and yet we all know that hurting can lead to healing. The pain allows us to realize that we need to pay attention to our self. That we need to acknowledge the hurt before we can begin to heal.
They say that time heals all pain...but is it time that heals it or truly feeling it instead of burying it that leads us on the path of healing?
As I deal with the heartache of adoption/reunion and now loss I feel I am repairing my heart.
I am being gentle with myself and looking for all the positive things that have happened. I am opening myself up to loving...trusting...and believing once more.
Life continues on even amongst heartbreak...and I am emerging on the other side of mending...I am feeling stronger each and every day for all the experiences that being reunited has offered me...and I look to the positive more so now than ever.
ART Heals...
who am I?
I am the woman
who is no longer
afraid to peel back
the layers...
I am the woman
who reaches for
her dreams...
I am the woman
who uncaged
her heart...
I am the woman
who paints and
writes my truth...
I am the woman
who has found
her wings...
I am the woman
with love in her
heart instead of fear...
I am a strong
creative...intelligent...
feminine...rooted
woman.
ART Heals...
at 64
she had walked through many
forests in her years
some were dark and fearful
others she wandered around in
but she always emerged on the
other side
sooner or later
she knows that life
is like that...
forests and sunshine
both helping her to grow
at 64
she is open
she feels her spirit
she sees her perception
she speaks with expression
she knows her love
she honors her power
she accepts her feminine...
SHE SURVIVES!
ART Heals
Connected
We are one...
you and I.
...connected...
past and present...
...integrated...
together we are stronger
than separate...
together we unite to
become whole...
together our heart
beats with joy...
we are one...
you and I...
...connected...
we become ME.
ART Heals...
Mothering
girl...daughter...sister...friend...wife...mother...woman.
I am a woman
learning to be
gentle and kind
to my soul...
to embrace the whole
of who I am...
to be content and happy
in my own skin...
to listen closely to
the whispers of my
heart and follow
its lead...
I am a woman
learning to
mother myself
with love.
willing...
I sent off a couple text messages to my son the other day only to find that they are "undeliverable" ...guess that means that he either has a new phone number that I do not know or I have been blocked...
Either way I found myself struggling with my own thoughts and emotions...thinking how could I correspond with him...why can't I correspond with him...a feeling that somehow I must correct this...and yet I know that this is not a black and white situation...and I have to continue to look at the turmoil from the inside. Letting go again is a struggle that I am having with myself...and these emotions are uncomfortable and I keep thinking if I could just make it right I will feel better...and yet I know that is not true...just like reuniting did not change all the issues that I carried for so long...He can not heal me...
I am looking at myself straight forward...and I am willing to accept that there is room for more pictures of what this relationship can look like...It does not have to be the perfect family picture. Because we all know that picture also has underlying problems...I want to stop limiting myself to an all or nothing point of view...Do I really have nothing now?
NO! I have much more than that...I have awareness of who he is...a name...a face...He is not a ghost anymore...better yet he is no longer a baby that I placed for adoption...
He is a grown man who does not have to have a relationship with me just because that is what I want...He does not have to be my child...(he is the child of his parents).
I am working on opening myself up and letting go of the thought that everything has to be perfect in order to be...It is a conscious choice I am making...I am opening up my heart to my truth...and the truth is...
He is my son...I am his birth mother...and that does not mean that he has to have an open relationship with me...but it also means that I do exist...and that nothing will ever change the fact that we will always be connected through that birth...we hold parts of each other within ourselves...and that will never change...
and I can carry that and my love for him with me forever.
Either way I found myself struggling with my own thoughts and emotions...thinking how could I correspond with him...why can't I correspond with him...a feeling that somehow I must correct this...and yet I know that this is not a black and white situation...and I have to continue to look at the turmoil from the inside. Letting go again is a struggle that I am having with myself...and these emotions are uncomfortable and I keep thinking if I could just make it right I will feel better...and yet I know that is not true...just like reuniting did not change all the issues that I carried for so long...He can not heal me...
I am looking at myself straight forward...and I am willing to accept that there is room for more pictures of what this relationship can look like...It does not have to be the perfect family picture. Because we all know that picture also has underlying problems...I want to stop limiting myself to an all or nothing point of view...Do I really have nothing now?
NO! I have much more than that...I have awareness of who he is...a name...a face...He is not a ghost anymore...better yet he is no longer a baby that I placed for adoption...
He is a grown man who does not have to have a relationship with me just because that is what I want...He does not have to be my child...(he is the child of his parents).
I am working on opening myself up and letting go of the thought that everything has to be perfect in order to be...It is a conscious choice I am making...I am opening up my heart to my truth...and the truth is...
He is my son...I am his birth mother...and that does not mean that he has to have an open relationship with me...but it also means that I do exist...and that nothing will ever change the fact that we will always be connected through that birth...we hold parts of each other within ourselves...and that will never change...
and I can carry that and my love for him with me forever.
Forward Motion...
There are still days when I feel as if I am standing in the middle of my emotional pain over the second loss of my son. As if I am taking one step forward and then two steps backward...just when I am feeling as if I have gained a lot of forward motion something appears...a birthday of one of the grandchildren...a memory of time spent together...and it is then that I feel as if I have made so little progress...
Today I am shifting...
Every step on this path to healing is meaningful...and sometimes new obstacles will appear or I am peeling back a new layer, but I am continuing forward...and each step is something that I have to take in order to get to the next level...
So even if at this moment I am feeling as if I am stuck once again I know that I am moving forward still...and that when I have the days of feeling as if I am standing in the middle of my emotional pain I am really acknowledging that the pain does exist and I am still working through it...and although it may never really go away I am dealing with it in a much more positive way.
Adoption...Reunion...Loss
Recovery of Self.
Today I am shifting...
Every step on this path to healing is meaningful...and sometimes new obstacles will appear or I am peeling back a new layer, but I am continuing forward...and each step is something that I have to take in order to get to the next level...
So even if at this moment I am feeling as if I am stuck once again I know that I am moving forward still...and that when I have the days of feeling as if I am standing in the middle of my emotional pain I am really acknowledging that the pain does exist and I am still working through it...and although it may never really go away I am dealing with it in a much more positive way.
Adoption...Reunion...Loss
Recovery of Self.
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