Most mornings I do a small mandala drawing and write and affirmation for myself...an affirmation that allows me to look within to see what it is that I need to pay attention to...the morning of, May 11, 2012 I did the one below:
My heart has FINALLY been unlocked!
My heart is so full right now I think I might burst....This is the best Mother's Day in 42 years!
I am blessed to Welcome back into my life....my son ..and now his wife and 3 new found grandchildren...and lets not forget about the dog!
I am truly beyond happy!! I am truly blessed!!!
LIFE IS SO VERY VERY VERY GOOD!
I called my daughter to wish her a Happy Mother's Day, (up until yesterday I believed I only had one grandchild, and now I had four!) I told her my exciting news and she was also happy for me...I called my sister also and told her...I would of taken an ad out in the local paper...I would of shouted it from the roof top...I wanted to let the world know that I had talked with my son...In less than 24 hours the "secret" was not a "secret" anymore! It no longer had control of me...I no longer cared who knew what because I had talked to my son! And then there was the very first e mail that I received addressed to Mom (is it ok that I call you that?) OK...it was MORE than I possibly could of imagined. I talked to my friend who was on vacation and told her all about our phone conversation and she was over the moon happy for me...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Dinner was at my sisters house in the afternoon. I was beaming...as we sat there at the table, was asked if I was having a good day...GOOD? OH...this day was more than GOOD...this was the best Mother's Day I have had in 42 years....I told my story...watching carefully for my own Mothers reaction. She looked at me when I finished with tears in her eyes..."I am so happy for you...you deserve to know your son, and he deserves to know you" but like every good mother she was fearful for me...how can you be sure it is really him? she asked. My heart tells me it is him was the answer that had.
Later that evening, the phone rang and the caller ID printed out my sons name...Hello, was how I answered ( I have to admit that I loved saying his name right out loud!) And what I heard next was a family singing "Happy Mother's Day to You" to the tune of "Happy Birthday to you"...
When the song was completed, my son said...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM! While talking to him I told him about the dinner conversation and the way people reacted to the news, and I asked him if he wanted me to register with New York State so that they could release our names and addresses to each other, so there would be no question that I was his mother...and he was my son. He said, I know who you are...I know in my heart that it is you! (we have quite a few very similar interests and sayings!). I talked to his wife...and briefly to the children. I was beyond happy...and still trying to make sense of all that had happened in this short time. (I know it really wasn't short, because we both had been searching for so long)...but it was short from the moment that I found him on the internet...to this moment right now....this moment where for the first time in 42 years my first born son was saying HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to me....for the first time in 42 years I was feeling whole.
This was the beginning of late night phone calls and an exchange of e mails between us...and also between his wife and myself...
This was the beginning of rediscovering each other and the unbreakable red thread that connected us together...
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