" The future doesn't belong to the faint-hearted; it belongs to the brave." ~ Ronald Reagan
Recently I read an adoptee story...A 34 year old woman was contacted by a woman who said she was her "birth" Mother. NOT POSSIBLE she said as she was not adopted. Asking her parents about this strange event she finally learned after 34 years that yes she was adopted. Now, she must process the "secret" in so many different ways. My heart breaks for her for not knowing this information...my heart holds her gently as she has to deal with all this information...(I truly do not understand why this was a "secret" that needed to be kept...especially for so many years on their part...)
Searching for your parent/child is not for the faint at heart. In her case of course she was never told about being adopted. But, for those of us who search that is one of the walls we can come up too...another is being totally rejected by child/parent...and yet another is being accepted and then rejected...and the worse one of all is never finding that missing piece because one of them has died.
I believe in and support opening records to original birth records to those who seek them. These walls will always exist regardless of whether or not those records are available...the state of New York has an adoption registry, I never knew about it, but my son did. He filled out all the paper work and because I was not registered he received "non disclosing" information about me...his mother was 18 years old at the time of his birth, and what city he was born in...certainly not much to go on...certainly this is a needle in the haystack as they say. How could he possibly find me? I also think now about his original birth certificate which would of listed my name at the time of his birth...my maiden name...last name KING...now again, I ask you is that enough information to find me? Patricia King no longer exists...she has been married...divorced and remarried...several name changes...several different addresses...and if you check any phone book in any city you will find that the last name KING has pages of listings...
Recently I read an adoptee story...A 34 year old woman was contacted by a woman who said she was her "birth" Mother. NOT POSSIBLE she said as she was not adopted. Asking her parents about this strange event she finally learned after 34 years that yes she was adopted. Now, she must process the "secret" in so many different ways. My heart breaks for her for not knowing this information...my heart holds her gently as she has to deal with all this information...(I truly do not understand why this was a "secret" that needed to be kept...especially for so many years on their part...)
Searching for your parent/child is not for the faint at heart. In her case of course she was never told about being adopted. But, for those of us who search that is one of the walls we can come up too...another is being totally rejected by child/parent...and yet another is being accepted and then rejected...and the worse one of all is never finding that missing piece because one of them has died.
I believe in and support opening records to original birth records to those who seek them. These walls will always exist regardless of whether or not those records are available...the state of New York has an adoption registry, I never knew about it, but my son did. He filled out all the paper work and because I was not registered he received "non disclosing" information about me...his mother was 18 years old at the time of his birth, and what city he was born in...certainly not much to go on...certainly this is a needle in the haystack as they say. How could he possibly find me? I also think now about his original birth certificate which would of listed my name at the time of his birth...my maiden name...last name KING...now again, I ask you is that enough information to find me? Patricia King no longer exists...she has been married...divorced and remarried...several name changes...several different addresses...and if you check any phone book in any city you will find that the last name KING has pages of listings...
Walls and road blocks...dead ends and detours...
One who searches must be willing to face whatever happens...they must be willing to accept the good and the bad of that search...they must be willing to open up their heart...they must be willing to accept the fact that the "secret" may still be intact...they must be willing to change their life...
they must be brave...
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