My anxiety level was high...my depression was putting me into a space where nothing seemed to make me happy...I decorated the house for the holiday...went about doing the things that needed to be done...but my thoughts always were with my son and it caused a great deal of stress with my other family members...
What was I suppose to do...I did not know how to relate to him or his family. That is the one thing about adoption...and reunion. You feel an automatic connection to people you really do not even know. It is a heart connection...a connection that once you find you can't let go of. And yet you have no guide helping you to travel these new waters.
With children that you raise you know how to make things "right" ...you know when to stand back and when to move forward...you know what words to say to comfort and what subjects to avoid...you have a history of connection. You have a history of unconditional love...a history of knowledge. With reunion from adoption you do not have any of those things. You can believe that you do...but what I was finding out was that you do not. You can believe that once that reunion happens that everything will be okay now...but what I was finding was that it is not...You can believe that LOVE is the only thing that matters and yet what I was finding was it is only the tip of the iceberg.
MERRY CHRISTMAS...
I love seeing letters in my mailbox...handwritten letters from my son to me...usually addressed to:
MY MOM...and there on December 22nd was a letter...I was so happy and then SO SAD after I opened it up.
There were 2 letters inside...one from my son (which said READ ME FIRST) and another one from his wife...
I had to read them both several times before the messages really sunk in...
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