Please read 1st

                                                                                         December 2014


Dear Mom

I am writing now but I am afraid. I am scared that you will be upset with me and our family. But I am writing because I do love you and do want us to have a great and happy life together.

Over the past year my wife has spoken to me about her interactions with you and those she has observed of you and the children. She has felt that you have been "mean" to her. She has said that on several occasions you seemed to be making "digs" at her. Her concern is also that there is too much focus on you and me and not the rest of the family.

I don't know. It has been very stressful to feel like I must choose between my wife and my mother. At least that is how I have felt, and the reason I have not said anything on this matter. I know I don't have to choose between you both. I know that I love you both and that as John and Paul said "We can work it out"

I need your help.

I need your input when you are upset with me or my wife. I want you to tell me when you feel you need my attention. This has been a tough year. I think, for both of us. I haven't been in contact and sharing as much as you would like. I am sorry for that, I have been feeling rather down. Thinking of choosing between my wife and mother has not been good for me.

Help me please.

I need for my wife to not feel slighted by you. Can you please make her feel loved for and cared by you as though she were your long parted daughter. I need for my wife to know that she knows me best, that she is in tune with me the most, because she is. I need for the children to feel like you love them as much as you love your other grandson. I know you have a different relationship with him than you do with them, because of history and proximity. I just want them to want you around as much as I do. And I need you in my life. And I need my wife and my children. They are my primary relationships. They have to know they come first.

I am including with my letter, a note written by my wife. I think she can state in her own words best how she is feeling. I think adults should talk to one another.

Please continue to talk with me. Please help me have a wonderful family life. Please continue to be part of it. One other matter. Its a tough one. Over the past year and more, pieces of jewelry have been missing from the house and their absences have coincided with your visits. I don't want to think its possible. I don't know what to do if it is. My wife feels it is a "slight" aimed at her specifically.

Do mothers get upset with daughters-in-laws simply because it changes the type of relationship the mothers have with their sons?

I am very nervous.  I am not angry.

I am worried.

I love my wife, my family and my mothers.

Please help me.

Love always,
Your son


This letter broke my heart...First for the pain that my son was in...next for the fact that anyone would feel that they have to choose between people that they love...and because his wife planted a seed that I had taken something from her, which I had not...

I NEED YOUR HELP...were the words that struck me in the middle of my heart...and the only words I could whisper were...I am not sure I can help you...

My heart was racing...and my Doctor was called...I couldn't breathe...I couldn't eat...I couldn't speak because of the words that followed in the letter from his wife...