Christmas...

It was Christmas...I was invited to stay over night at my daughters house to be there in the morning to watch my grandson open up his gifts...I was extremely grateful for this because being alone on Christmas morning is not a pleasant time for me since my husband passed...and this year especially because of what was going on with my son and his family.

I am not attached to my cell phone. Still an "old school" kind of girl in my packing I did not bring it with me.

The morning was delightful. Watching my grandson rip open paper. This was the year that he was on the edge about Santa...is he real? is he not? and so we made a big deal out of it and tried very hard to get the best things he had on his list.

But there was an underlying sadness for me...what were my son and family doing? Did they like the gifts that I had made and purchased?

I returned home in the late afternoon to a voice mail both on my home phone and my cell phone from my son. A soft spoken message that said Merry Christmas...that he was thinking of me...that he loved me and that they would be leaving soon to go to church and then to his wife's parents house. (They no longer spent holidays with his parents or family, and had not for several years)

Even though I knew that they were not home I called and left a message for them...MERRY CHRISTMAS...thinking of everyone and sending love.

I went on the computer and there was an e-mail from the night before:

Mom:

Thank you for writing back to me.  I still feel scared.

I should have said something much earlier.  By not saying anything, nothing was addressed and feelings were hurt and that hurt was compounded with time.  I am sorry for that.

I do know that my wife has felt very hurt as a result of things that you have said.

I want our relationship, the one between you and me, as well as the one with you and our family, to grow stronger.

I love you dearly.  I am afraid of losing you.

I hope it will be alright to call you tomorrow.

Love your son

 

I sent a return mail in the afternoon of Christmas day:

 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL…

Rejoice and enjoy your friends and family… they are all that matter… 

Sorry that I missed your call…after I got home from my daughter's house and the flurry of Christmas and food…I decided to relax in a warm tub and then went out for a walk…the weather is beautiful here today…one would think of it as late autumn or early spring…
 

If your wife has been hurt by things that I have said over the past year and a half I am sorry…I wish that I had known at the time so that things could of been different, especially now during the holiday…but we can not go back…we can only go forward…
 

If the children have felt slighted by me… than again I will say that I was not aware of it. When we talked early this year it was agreed that I would not talk to your son about my grandson here and our lego collection and I believe I honored that…I am not sure what I have done to either of your daughters. And I can only say that I have held nothing but love for them since our first meeting….They are my grandchildren…
 

Don’t feel scared…I am your Mom…long lost…but none the less your Mom (at least one of your Mom’s). I remember telling you after we first met that I would never leave you again…and that came directly from my heart…You will not lose me…I will continue to do what I do…I will continue to send cards…and goodies…and gifts…for everyone…we will continue to talk and be part of each others lives. Certainly I am aware that the situation has changed and that things will no longer be as they once were and I have to be OK with that…
 

I am proud…happy and honored to know my son and his family.
 

You are SO LOVED!

Mom