How do I really go about addressing this email? I have gone through many emotional responses from crying to finally letting go of the words that have been written...I could take each line of this email and the letter sent in December and give my own version of the statements...for there are always two sides to every conversation...and thus when retelling or recalling things get mixed up on both sides...and when things are not addressed at the time then they usually get bigger....words are taken out of context...and suddenly things are never what they were in the beginning...my heart know that the outcome is going to be the same whether I give my version or not...so my heart is letting go of the words.
The one thing I will address is: "you must return what you have taken. We all make mistakes. We all do unkind thing. We can all be forgiven, but not without being sorry and making up for it. We cannot trust you again until you have returned my things." "You will return the items and we will all begin to move forward together slowly, or you will not."
I did not take anything. I find no reason that anyone would believe that I would. There are people who have known me for 10 to 50 years...I have not only been in their presence but I have been to their homes on countless occasions...and never has it been suggested that I took anything from their homes...If I am accused of being a thief than why have I not stolen from anyone else? My heart does not need to be forgiven for something I did not do. This goes to the very core of my values...and it hurts me beyond belief that you would think I would do this...I do not believe that stealing is a mistake...but rather it is a deliberate action...and I find no reason for you to believe that my values are that low.
I have been given three things that I must do in order to move forward....
It appears as if I am in a no win situation...I cannot do the main thing that you are asking me, which is to return something I do not have...and it is quite clear that if I do not do this than we cannot move forward...
I believe that in the adoption and reunion process one can be very supportive of a person when they are searching...and they can be excited for the person if they reunite...I also believe that it is life changing for everyone involved....I have found that this has happened with my immediate family here...It has not always been easy for them to accept the relationship that was being formed with all of you...the world that they had always known was changing and most of us fear change. It is very sad that both families will now be disconnected...
Communication is a very large part of relationships...I have said before that if one does not know that something is wrong that one cannot do anything to correct that...waiting for a year and a half to address issues and holding on to hurt feelings for so long only causes resentment and things spin out of control...I believe that I could of been approached at anytime in that time frame to apologize for something that was perceived to be wrong or for words that were said in order to repair or explain myself...
It breaks my heart that all this has transpired...certainly I am not perfect...and I believe that we could all go to different times we felt hurt by something that was said...so I take this moment to once again apologize for any hurt feelings...for any disruption you feel that I have made to your family circle and life....I came into this reunion with an open heart of acceptance and love...that has never changed and it would never change...but I realize from this email that because I cannot send anything back that there will be no future...
I hold on tightly to my silver linings...
I now know my son...I now know parts of the story of his life...I now know his family...I was able to embrace him and tell him that I loved him...I was able to hear him call me Mom and tell me that he loves me...I have many wonderful memories of time spent together as a family which will be the focus of my heart...I have love for all of you...my relationship with my immediate family here is stronger than it has ever been....I am surrounded by unconditional love...and I am at peace...(and nothing can ever change any of these and they can never be taken away from me)
I do not believe that anyone can make us choose who we love...that is a choice we make ourselves...that is our heart...that is our truth...and the love that I hold in my heart for my son and his family will never end....my heart will forever be open to a relationship.
I wish all of you nothing but love...happiness and good health.
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