I have spent to many years looking for something...searching for what I felt was lost to me...I suppose there is really nothing wrong with this because it has brought me to the space I am in now and I realize that the absence of my son was something that I need to come to terms with. What I am finding out is that all along it has been less about the absence and more about healing my heart.
I know that I carry within me everything that I need to know and yet I have not allowed myself to use that knowledge over the years...that by always being sad about that absence I allowed myself to stay in the sadness. And that in order to evolve forward now I must heal myself. It was not my son that could heal me.
This is a journey...that I have reached on my path where I realize that getting what I wanted made me happy...losing it again has made that happiness pass and now I must find the joy that is within.
So where do I turn now? I am looking within...I am going over my self made myths and turning them into facts...
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